Thursday, 4 June 2009

This project isnt a very exciting one nor amazing to look at, it is more about looking at something and working it out. As i have struggled with a number of things during this term i am actually pleased i managed to do something. Nothing i believe is ever finished, but can be left to a standard of happiness. Already before handing it in, i am not happy with my work, but am happy with my mind frame i managed to do something. I would with more money had gone to visit all of my 'different' families, the ones moved away, the ones i have around me and the ones i have left behind. The images need to be bigger than what i have printed them. A4 doesnt do them justice, large prints of minimum A1. For the pictures to be more about the subject and the people rather than the photograph themselves. Money has been an issue, in total i have spent just over £100, nothing to some people, but alot to me, i get no loan or grants and i earn £200 a month. This is not an excuse, just something that prevented me, with other things. this has been a learning curve, for me to save more, for if in future i get as stuck as i have, i have back up money. this project is unsuccessful in ways that i am not proud of it, but has made me realise, i have to keep on top of things and just do what i want to do with my creativity. I plan for the summer break to never let a camera out of my sight, to read read read and to see everything visually creative possible.

possessive, pensive and possessed, Victor Burgin

This was the essay i used for my last essay, i really enjoyed it and was from the book, 'the remembered film'. MY essay was discussing memory through photographs and film. I spoke about how media products such as photographs and films help us to keep our memories or if forgotten, reminders. But from reading Burgins essay, he talks about interviews that were held in 1977 asking about people memories during the years 1930 to 1945. One woman is discussed remembering a part in her life that sounded very much like a scene from a film.
"In recounting these memories she invokes a scene from Rene Clements film of 1952, jeux interdits, in which a small girl in a column of refugees survives an air attack in which her parents are killed. The womans speech however shifts between the first and third person in such a way that it is unclear whether she is speaking of herself or of the character in the film." page 201.
This doesnt prove that media products help, if anythign they can confuse memories, and photographs can upset people if they cannot remember them. Like with the cousin of Marianne Hirsch, not remembering her relative, in this case the cousin wasnt upset, they just meant nothing to her. We are surrounded by images in everything, we are used to them, it is only the odd few that stand out. My images do not stand out, they are images you have to examine to find out what is happening.

family tree














about each stage

the digital images looking through the view finder of the hassleblad, these were just for playing around purposes, but thought looked quite cool. They were taken for proof just incase the film didnt come out.
The lighting for my shoots just wasnt getting right, the studio was full, the lighting in my house was very dull. I hired out a lighting kit from the stores at uni, but when i finally got it home, one of the lights was broken, so it wasnt any use to me. I have used 5 films of attempts and with time running out as with passion i decided to go for something i could control.
The 80s recreation photographs. These took a very long time to set up, all day running through to night in fact. There is just something missing, they either had to be very contemporary and a new take on the era, or to look just out of the eighties. I realised i always take photos of people, the close ones always around me, my family. This made me think about my family i left at home. I went back to photograph some sort of family tree. And the steams of each family. The hassleblad back i was using was faulty and had over lapped images, and i had lost in total around 6 shots or the two films i used. My digital was at hand, but it just wasnt the same.

throughout this term











remembering

We want to remember the things we love and the people we love, by doing this we take endless amounts of snapshot party, holiday, school, celebration photos. With my images they are not of events nor anything remotely exciting. They are of me and a family group, asking the audience to figure out what type of relationship i share with the people if i share one at all. The common feature within these photographs is me, these photographs are my families and my memories. Because friends are not blood it can be easier to loose them and drift apart, i see my friends more than what i see my family but i know my family will always be there, i believe to always have friends, but these friends that create a 'different' family may change. I haven't had the same friends from birth, nor do i believe that the friends i have now will always be around. Objects can break, places can change and people can disappear, yet what remains is a photograph. I may not always have these people but what i do know is that i will always have this photograph of them.
Marianne Hirsch speaks about in the preface in her book, 'family frames' of images that were laughed at by her cousin, her cousin was uneducated on the people in the photographs and therefore had different relationships to the people within them. Hirsch knew of the people, her grandmother. She was more interested as she knew who she was, where her relative was confused to have such photographs left to her, not knowing anything about them. They meant very little to her and were maybe thrown out. My point is that family photographs are worthless in themselves and can only mean something when a connection is made. We take photographs of everything yet, the subject may not always be remembered or even forgotten about. My images are more of my interaction or lack of with the people i am in the photographs with. Because i was setting the shots up and this is my project i knew that if i too were to show interaction i would give information away and help the viewers.
http://books.google.com/books?id=IRt3E0nfuo4C&dq=marianne+hirsch+family&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=ftAnSs__J4iQjAfI6YHeBw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4#PPR11,M1

my different family portraits

Moving to a new place and being away from home, and doing everything from scratch is very different and bizarre. Meeting new friends, finding out who to stay away from, becoming familiar with your new surroundings, starting a brand new subject that you know very little about all whilst trying to figure out the person you are.
I came to Nottingham, after visiting only once for my interview, knowing no one and had never done photography before. Absolutely everything was new to me.
The only thing that i would say is very important to me is family, and growing up realising that the word 'family' to me are the people i love and trust and want to have around me. Being away from my 'actual' family resorts me to find new types of families, my 'different' family. the people i live with, the ones i work with, socialise with, are on a course with. Each group play different roles within my family. Each group i will go to for different things. Your blood family, you cannot choose, you are stuck with and i think are very lucky if you happen to get along with them, my real family are all my friends and would want to know them regardless. friends on the other hand are chosen, and if things aren't working out, easily removed, more so than actual blood relatives. Living in Nottingham my family are my friends, the ones that i have met here. I have my family of friends back in Barnsley and i have other friends scattered around the country, ones that have also moved away to university, or ones i have met through friends of friends.